Windiz 98

MICROSOFT ANNOUNCEMENT

It has come to our attention that a few copies of
the Geordie version of Windows 98 may have
accidentally been shipped outside of Newcastle.

If you have one of the Newcastle editions you may
need some help understanding the commands. The
Newcastle edition may be recognised by looking at
the loading screen. It reads Windiz 98 with a
background picture of a Brown Ale bottle
superimposed on a photograph of the Tyne Bridge.
It is shipped with the Brown Ale screen saver.

Also note:
The Recycle Bin is labelled 'Aal ya shite'
Dialup Networking is called 'Me mates'
Control Panel is known as 'How te fuck aboot wi
the settins'
The Hard Drive is referred to as 'Big disk'
Floppies are known as 'Them litil plastic bastads'

Other Features:
OK = it's alreet
cancel = fuck that
yes = aye
no= nee fuckin' chance
find = gan gerit ya fucking sel'
goto = owa there
help = ah cannit dee it
stop = divvent move
start = hadaway and shite
settings = settins
programs = stuff that dis stuff
personal folder = me shite

Also note that Windiz 98 does not recognise
capital letters or
punctuation marks.

Some programs that are exclusive to Windiz 98:
tiperiter = a word processor
cullarin book = a graphics package
addin masheen = calculator
tunes = CD player
porn = Microsoft Internet Explorer
pikchas = a graphics viewer
dole money = accounting software
toon = a spreadsheet of Newcastle United FC's
recent scores
bevvy = local off-licences by area code and price
of Brown Ale
tax records = usually an empty file
Kappa tracksuit inventory = usually a 5 meg file

We regret any inconvenience it may cause if you
received a copy of the Newcastle edition. You may
return it to Microsoft for a replacement version.