The Top 12 Things You Don't Want to Hear From Tech Support

  1. "Do you have a sledgehammer or a brick handy?"

  2. "...that's right, not even McGyver could fix it."

  3. "So -- what are you wearing?"

  4. "Duuuuuude! Bummer!"

  5. "Looks like you're gonna need some new dilythium crystals, Cap'n."

  6. "Press 1 for Support. Press 2 if you're with 60 Minutes. Press 3 if you're with the FTC."

  7. "We can fix this, but you're gonna need a butter knife, a roll of duct tape, and a car battery."

  8. "I'm sorry, Dave. I'm afraid I can't do that."

  9. "In layman's terms, we call that the Hindenburg Effect."

  10. "Hold on a second... Mom! Timmy's hitting me!"

  11. "Okay, turn to page 523 in your copy of Dianetics."

...and the Number 1 Thing You Don't Want to Hear From Tech Support...

  1. "Please hold for Mr. Gates' attorney."

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