Musicians

Musicians In General

Two men were at a bar and one said, "Hey, I had my IQ checked and it was 175, the other responded "That's a coincidence so is mine, what do you do for a living?" "I'm a physicist." was the reply. Again came "that's a coincidence so am I." This was overheard at a nearby table and these two compared IQ's at 160 and were surprised that they were both brain surgeons. At another nearby table one man despondently said to the other "Did you hear that? I had my IQ checked and it was only 52." The other said, rather enthusiastically, "That's a coincidence so is mine. What instrument do you play?"

Q. How do you get two musicians to play in tune?
A. Shoot one

Q. What's the definition of a nerd?
A. Someone who owns their own instrument.

Q. What do you call a musician with half a brain?
A. Gifted.

Q. What do musicians use as birth control?
A. Their personalities.

Q. How do you get a musician off your doorstep?
A. Pay for the pizza.

Q. What do you call a musician with a beeper?
A. An optimist.

Q. What did the musician get on his IQ test?
A. Drool.

Conductors

One of the members of the symphony calls the front office asking for the conductor. The receptionist informs him that the conductor is dead. The next day, he calls again, asking for the conductor. The receptionist replies, "I told you yesterday, the conductor is dead". The musician calls the next day, again asking for the conductor. The receptionist says, "Look why do you keep calling here? I'm telling you the conductor is DEAD!!" To which, the symphony member replied, "I just really enjoy hearing you say that".

Q. How many conductors does it take to change a light bulb?
A. One, but who's really watching.

Q. Why did they bury the conductor 20 feet in the earth?
A. Because DEEP DOWN he was a nice guy.

Q. How much does a good conductor weigh?
A. 28 ounces not counting the urn.