General Motors Helpline

General Motors doesn't have a help line for people who don't know how to drive, because people don't buy cars like they buy computesr. Imagine if they did...

Help Line:
"General Motors Help Line, how can I help you?"
Customer:
"I got in my car and closed the door and nothing happened!"
Help Line:
"Did you put the key in the ignition slot and turn it?"
Customer:
"What's an ignition?"
Help Line:
"It's a starter motor that draws current from your battery and turns over the engine."
Customer:
"Ignition? Motor? Battery? Engine? How come I have t know all these technical terms just to use my car?"

Help Line:
"General Motors Help Line, how may I help you?"
Customer:
"My car ran fine for a week and now it won't go anyplace."
Help Line:
"Is the gas tank empty?"
Customer:
"Huh? How do I know?"
Help Line:
"There's a little gauge on the front panel with a needle and markings from 'E' to 'F'. Where is the needle pointing?"
Customer:
"It's pointing to 'E'. What does that mean?"
Help Line:
"It means that you have to visit a gasoline vendor and purchase some more gasoline. You can install it yourself or pay the vendor to install it for you."
Customer:
"What? I paid $12,000 for this car! Now you tell me that I have to keep buying more components? I want a car that comes with everything built in!"

Help Line:
"General Motors Help Line, how can I help you?"
Customer:
"Your cars suck!"
Help Line:
"What's wrong?"
Customer:
"It crashed, that's what's wrong!"
Help Line:
"What were you doing?"
Customer:
"I wanted to run faster so I pushed the accelerator pedal all the way to the floor. It worked for a while and then it crashed and it won't start now."
Help Line:
"It's your responsibility if you misuse the product. What do you expect us to do about it?"
Customer:
"I want you to send me one of the latest version that doesn't crash any more."

Help Line:
"General Motors Help Line, how can I help you?"
Customer:
"Hi, I just bought my first car, and I chose your car because it has automatic transmission, cruise control, power steering, power brakes, and power door locks."
Help Line:
"Thanks for buying our car. How can I help you?"
Customer:
"How do I work it?"
Help Line:
"Do you know how to drive?"
Customer:
"Do I know how to do what?"
Help Line:
"Do you know how to drive?"
Customer:
"I'm not a technical person. I just want to go places in my car!"

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