Aphorisms

A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.

The hypothalamus is one of the most important parts of the brain,involved in many kinds of motivation, among other functions. The hypothalamus controls the "Four F's": 1. fighting; 2. fleeing; 3.feeding; and 4. mating.

Slogan of 105.9, the classic rock radio station in Chicago: "Of all the radio stations in Chicago...we're one of them."

Applying computer technology is simply finding the right wrench to pound in the correct screw.

Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had years and years of training can, using only their hands and feet, make some of the worst movies in the history of the world.

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.

A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.

If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there are men on base.

When cryptography is outlawed, bayl bhgynjf jvyy unir cevinpl.

Lazlo's Chinese Relativity Axiom: No matter how great your triumphs or how tragic your defeats---approximately one billion Chinese couldn't care less.

Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps.

Writing about music is like dancing about architecture.

When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, "Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?"

Boundary, n. In political geography, an imaginary line between two nations, separating the imaginary rights of one from the imaginary rights of another.

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

Life may have no meaning. Or even worse, it may have a meaning of which I disapprove.

My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.

Once at a social gathering, Gladstone said to Disraeli, "I predict, Sir, that you will die either by hanging or of some vile disease." Disraeli replied, "That all depends, sir, upon whether I embrace your principles or your mistress."

For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off.

My initial response was to sue her for defamation of character, but then I realized that I had no character.

The most important thing in the programming language is the name. A language will not succeed without a good name. I have recently invented a very good name and now I am looking for a suitable language.

Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.

On one occasion a student burst into his office. "Professor Stigler, I don't believe I deserve this F you've given me." To which Stigler replied, "I agree, but unfortunately it is the lowest grade the University will allow me to award."

The overwhelming majority of people have more than the average (mean) number of legs.

G: "If we do happen to step on a mine, Sir, what do we do?"
EB: "Normal procedure, Lieutenant, is to jump 200 feet in the air and scatter oneself over a wide area."

I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me.

Time's fun when you're having flies.